


Rey's Personal Hygiene Problem

by commoner64



Category: Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fingering, Foreplay, Personal Hygiene, Reylo - Freeform, Shower Sex, Star Wars - Freeform, Tumblr: reylo-sin-anthology, Unsanitary, shower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 03:50:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13673673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commoner64/pseuds/commoner64
Summary: Rey has no idea how to properly shower, so Kylo teaches her proper hygiene in a very awkward way





	Rey's Personal Hygiene Problem

WARNING: THIS FIC IS NOT FOR LITTLE EYES, IF YOU ARE A CHILD THEN DO NOT LOOK AT THIS, THIS IS SMUT BUT THIS IS DISGUSTING SMUT AND YOU WILL BE MENTALLY SCARRED AND PROBABLY PUKE, PLEASE TURN AWAY BEFORE YOUR CHILDHOOD GETS RUINED

This fic is dedicated to everyone who thought I’d be a terrible writer. Fuck you Mrs. Lewis for giving me a C in English back in 4th grade. Also George Lucas, I’m sorry if you had to see this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
In a galaxy far far away, Kylo and Rey were just chilling on the couch when suddenly a thought occurred to Kylo. 

“Hey Rey, do you like, ever shower or anything?” It seemed like an odd question up front, but he had never seen any evidence of his galactic girlfriend bathing. 

Rey seemed a bit taken aback by the question. “Of course I do, I try to at least once a month.” She thought it was so odd of him to ask a question, why would he think such a thing?

Kylo’s face shriveled up in disgust, he tried to hide it, but how could one hide their disdain at learning such information? “Only- Once a month? That’s disgusting, who only showers once a month?”

“Well Ben, when you’re a dirt-poor scavenger in the desert you can’t really afford a lot of running water”, the woman snapped back. 

Another dark thought entered Kylo’s mind: this woman’s pussy must smell awful if she never bathes. 

Ben raised an eyebrow, “Did you at least wash your you-know-what?”

“My what?”

 

Ben hesitated replying to Rey’s naive confusion for a moment, fearing the answer. But then he mustered up the courage. “Your vagina”, he said rather bluntly.

“Why would I wash that more than any other part of my body? It’s not like I had much use for it out in the-”

“SON OF THE FORCE, WOMAN! THAT’S DISGUSTING!” Kylo interrupted. The lightsaber in his pants that once had a halfie from the thought of catching Rey in the shower quickly turned flaccid and sad. “You need to wash that thing right this instant, I refuse to date a woman who’s vagina looks like the swamps of Dagobah!”

Rey glared and sighed. “Fine.” She got off the couch and marched over to the bathroom but then stopped. “Ben?”

“Yes?”

“How does one wash their vagina?”

Kylo was dumbfounded. Sure the teachers at the Jedi Academy taught him how to clean his foreskin and the bare essentials, but pretty much nothing about how woman did it with their respective parts. “With soap”, he said with half-confidence. 

“I honestly have no clue how to use soap.”

“Holy hell! Have you been living under a rock your whole life!?”

“Technically, yes”, Rey replied with utmost sass.

Ben sighed. “Well just rub it on yourself, it’s not that hard.”

“Oh no, Ben.” The woman glared at him. “Since you’re acting like such a know-it-all right now, you can show me the ‘right way’”.

“Oh I’ll show you the right way, bitch.” Ben sneered. 

In only a few minutes time, Rey was completely naked and Kylo was shirtless; his glorious pink Force Nipples contrasting against the white walls of the shower. 

Kylo held up a tube of shower gel. “Okay, the first thing you need to do is rub this all over your body and then rinse it off.”

Rey managed to do that step without much of a problem. 

“Alright, step two is to clean in between your legs with this bar of soap and then work your way up to your, you-know-what.”

“Just say the actual word you coward.”

“Chewbacca.”

“Goddammit.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you how to shave that off soon.”

Rey let out an exasperated sigh and begin to work her way up her legs until she reached the crotch.

“SKREEEEEEEEEEEEE”, a noise like nails against a chalkboard resonated out of the scavenger’s unclean vagina. 

“WHAT IN THE SON’S NAME IS THAT!?” Kylo shouted out, covering his ears.  
Rey stopped scrubbing and shrugged. “A droid maybe?”

“A droid? A fucking droid inside of-” He looked down and saw a stream of metal shavings and sand dripping down Rey’s legs along with the water. “Spread your legs.”

“Is it really that big of a deal?”

“Spread them, I need to see what exactly I’m getting into here.”

She sighed and sat down spread-eagled on the shower floor; exposing her sandy vagina. 

Upon Kylo’s further inspection, it was caked to the brim with the sand, yet porous enough to emanate a putrid odor like that of a dead animal. He gagged at both the sight and smell of it, but managed to regain enough of his composure to speak to Rey. “Do you mind if I feel around in there?”

“Go ahead, but if you find anything in there, it goes right back to me.”

Ben reluctantly began to feel around, and right away it was made clear that it wouldn’t be an easy task, considering the caked sand was the consistency of almost-dried clay. Although the sands of Jakku didn’t contain much clay, this sand managed to stick together from Rey’s caked-in smegma and menustral blood from her years of vaginal neglect. As Kylo fingered his way around her vaginal opening, he noticed it was also stuck and would barely open. Her vaginal gunk was just so hard and sticky that it just wouldn’t budge. But after some manhandling, he managed to make some progress. Some sand gradually eroded away, also scrubbing the patches of dead skin around her pubis and clitoral hood from years of neglect. And then finally, the walls crumbled and collapsed onto themselves, allowing her vagina to relax and fully open. 

“Finally some goddamn progress” Kylo muttered, almost puking in the process. He’s disemboweled many a man, but this- this was just a new level of disgusting.

After a little more fingering around, Kylo finally managed to fit his whole hand inside Rey’s moist and putrid cavern of a vagina. He managed to poke something hard and almost… metallic. 

“Find anything yet?” Rey seemed a bit uncomfortable. 

Ben wanted to reassure his poor, naive girlfriend, but was afraid of blowing chunks all over her if he so much as opened his mouth.

After some poking and prodding, he realized it would take much more effort to pull this strange foreign object out of her vagina. So he began to scoop the caked-in substance with his hands and toss it haphazardly on the shower floor. After a few scoops, he noticed bones and fur in his hands. They were the bones of a rodent, perhaps a Lothrat who smuggled itself on an old ship. Whatever it was, one could barely tell what kind of animal it was since it’s entire body was so decomposed and disfigured. Kylo’s body could handle no more. He heaved and retched until the contents of his stomach spilled on the shower floor. 

“Oh my god, are you-”

“Don’t talk about it, let’s just get this over with.” Even though poor Kylo could handle more, he still pushed through the last leg of the race. After all, he was so close to getting that sweet, sweet space poontang when this was all over. Finally, he scooped out the last bit and managed to grab a sizeable metal object, carefully pulling it out of her. 

“A MOUSE DROID!?” Not only was there a dead mouse inside of Rey, but there was also a fully functioning MSE-6-Repair Droid inside of her as well. It shocked Kylo how such a large foreign object could stay unnoticed inside of a woman’s vagina for so long. 

He opened the shower door and stepped out.

“Not much of an expert, now are you, Ben?”

They never did talk about that situation after it happened.


End file.
